The Key to Xemnas's Heart
by Kh-hp-Disneylover809
Summary: I'm an ordinary girl and I just got launched into the KH universe! That's not what I wanted! How will I get out of here? And why is Xemnas so appealing to me? I must be losing my mind! Xemnasxoc! rated for violence, Shelby's beautiful language, and sexual references!
1. Chapter 1

"What a stupid game," sneered Ashley as she kicked my Kingdom Hearts novel that fell on the ground. "Kingdom Hearts, how stupid." I rolled my eyes and stooped to pick up, dusting the nonexistent dust off of the cover.

"You're stupider than my game, Ashley," I snorted, standing up.

"What did you say, you fat bitch?" she demanded, getting her powdered face all up in mine.

"Get lost, bitch," I said, turning my back on her. "Unlike you, I have a life to live." Okay, my response was a little cold but Ashley was the meanest bitch that ever crossed the planet.

How rude; time for introductions. My name is Shelby Parker and I'm seventeen years old unfortunately. I had dark brown hair with a purple streak that went through it and matching brown eyes to boot. My body type was curvier like girls in my senior year but I liked wearing clothes that weren't at the top of fashion. I wasn't the type who made the fashion rules. In fact I hated the fashion rules because of what was in; right now it was the jeans that were tight enough that you could read the date on a coin and the shirts that midriff and plunging neckline. I liked my body as much as the next girl but I didn't want to display around saying like "hi, I'm available to lay".

The bitchy cheerleaders were the rule of the school and they didn't like geeks like me. Luckily, I always broke a new nose or kicked their pretty legs if they tried to pull their attitude on me. My friend Cheryl and I hated those bitches with a fiery passion that was enough to light a bonfire. Their cutting remarks no longer concerned us because we were toughened up unlike them.

I lost my cousin and she lost her grandmother but it only made us stronger if not emo-ish. We didn't tolerate cheerleaders because they didn't know anything of hardship if it bit them on their asses. The closest thing to a hardship for them was if they lost a cell phone. What complete, utter fools. They expected men to fall at their feet and worship them like true whores. The ones who were eighteen got boob jobs to look like Aqua from Kingdom Hearts, which was totally stupid. Cheryl and I were natural-looking but men in my school loved the girls with "big tits", as they phrased it.

"Shelb," said Cheryl, approaching me. "What's up, and why is this bitch with you?" Cheryl had brown hair and eyes like me but she was shorter and a little more heavyset than me but her mouth had no filter.

"She's just making sure I'm not doing anything that would screw up her perfect school." If English was my first language, sarcasm was the second. "Apparently, Kingdom Hearts is outcast here."

"That game is stupid," remarked Ashley in her snotty tone. "You should be on a Twilight team. Which one are you?"

Cheryl and I exchanged a smirk and I answered, "Team Rocket." I was more of a fan of Pokemon than I was of Twilight. I liked the books and movies but not enough to live, sleep, and breathe it.

Ashley wrinkled her new nose as she said, "Total nerds."

Then her boyfriend, my ex, came up next to her in his usual t-shirt and sagging jeans and gave her a kiss on her made up cheek. "Hey, babe," he said, "don't sweat it with these nerds. They're not even worth it; they never were."

Even though it had been a while, a pang of sadness pierced my heart at seeing my ex with the ones who caused me pain. He seemed so nice in the beginning but then after my cousin died and I was in a deep depression I lost my innocence to him as if to erase the pain but it didn't work. After that, he left me for Ashley, just like a man would in high school, and I cried my heart out on Cheryl's shoulder for a whole hour, lamenting the loss of my virginity. Why was I so blind to him?

"You motherfucking bastard!" I screamed, clenching my fists tightly. "Get lost! I fucking hate you and I hope you burn in fucking hell after what you've done! Get the fuck out of my sight!" I was glad that I sounded scary because he looked a little nervous.

"Shell," he said as if trying to reason with me but I wouldn't let him.

"Go the hell away!" I screamed, throwing my fist at him, which would have hit him if Cheryl didn't hold me back. "I never want to see you again!" My bottom jaw trembled but not with tears.

"Come on, babe," said Ashley in that irritating voice, "let's get out of here before their nerdiness rubs off on us." She twined her manicured hand with his and they walked off together, leaving us in their wake.

When Cheryl released me, I took deep breaths like I ran a mile and finally calmed myself. "Sorry, Cher," I said quietly, opening the cover of my novel, "I didn't mean to lose it but he just gets to me all the time." I lowered my eyes, feeling guilty for letting that bastard take my virginity.

"It's okay," said Cheryl gently, patting my back. "I just didn't want us to get suspended for being in a fight."

I smiled a bit and walked with her to class. School was the worst place to be, especially when you were my age.

…

I walked through my empty house, letting the silence consume me. Mom and my stepdad never had much time for me because they just got hitched but I always felt a little left out. I went up to my new bedroom and laid on my bed with a groan. I couldn't wait to be eighteen then I could be on my own. Well I pretty much was because with my mom and step-pop enjoying their marriage life by going on trips I fed my little sister. My stepbrother could do things by himself so I didn't have to take care of him. Mom and John left us with enough money to buy crap for the house.

Finally, I sat up and walked over to my TV to turn on my PlayStation II. Yes, I had my own nice TV but it didn't anything to me but the PS2 did. It had my Kingdom Hearts II game in it—my much abused KH game. I already beat Xemnas because I was just that awesome. Xemnas was an interesting dude because he went on and on like my history teacher and it was enough to lull anyone to sleep. I had a micro crush on him but it didn't consume me like fan girls. Honestly, I felt sad for the KH characters because of the yaoi and yuri fans. Poor Sora, Riku, Xemnas, and Saix…

When the title screen came on, a white light came on in place where Sora was supposed to be. Finally my temper reached its end and I threw my controller at the TV but the glass didn't shatter like it was supposed to. My heart rate increased when I realized I entered a twilight zone. I backed away from the TV like it was about to blow up but silver tentacle like things wrapped around my ankles and pulled me back. I tried to fight and stir but it only tightened around my ankles and pulled me in. My eyes fell closed as I went through and began singing a happy song in my head. Maybe heaven wouldn't be too bad…

…

(Normal POV)

"Did you guys hear something?" asked Demyx as he sat in the gray room with Saix and Axel.

Before he could say any more, a person landed on him and knocked him out. Axel and Saix ran over to investigate and they saw a brown haired young woman sprawled out on poor Demyx. Forget Demyx, but who was the girl? A little groan came from her as she placed a hand to her forehead.

"Ohh, my fucking head…" she groaned as she sat up.

(Shelby POV)

My vision was blurred but I managed to see red and blue and when I blinked a few times I saw Axel and Saix! A throbbing pain in my head stopped me from screaming but I managed to stand on my feet. Traveling air fare didn't sit well with me because I wobbled and fell over. Great, I was fainting. Darkness clouded my vision and before I knew it I was out.

_**A/N: A/N: New Xem/OC story just like I promised! You'll learn more of Shelby's past in the next chapter and figure out why she is the way she is. Please read and review! This story is for you, Zaikia! Thanks for the advice! **_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: WTF!

I woke up in a white room and found myself in a white hard bed. Where the hell was I now! Probably in the infirmary since I fainted from falling. I was full of phobias and such. I had hemophobia, arachnophobia, and aerophobia from a young age. I hated seeing so much blood; I hated spiders a lot no matter what size they were; and being up too high was as scary as hell but I never told anyone that because I didn't want to get teased more than I already did. Kids at my school would find my fears stupid and kiddish but I had my phobias as much as the next person.

Since I was a kid, I never had made friends that well. I only had one friend that I trusted my life with and her name was Cheryl. As we had grown and changed into adults, I was glad that I had her as my best friend. I was quiet and shy and often spoke with a stammer if I had to speak in front of others. Ironically, I could sing karaoke in front of a handful of folks but never speak. I knew my voice wasn't that good but it was better than Rebecca Black's. The reason I never really talked to people was because I was afraid if I let someone in then they would just stab me in the back like those bullies did who pretended to be my friends. Life was so hard too if you didn't let anyone in.

All my love relationships fizzled out because I never let them get too close to me. As a child I was sexually-assaulted by my biological older brother who didn't live with us anymore. I was nine when that happened and he was twelve but I didn't understand it was wrong. I supposed since that happened to me physical relationships like love making or intimate kissing would be hard because of my being afraid of getting raped. One boy I dated in ninth grade touched my privates but I did nothing because I was so shell-shocked and ashamed that he touched me like that. I couldn't tell him to stop because it felt like my tongue weighed a thousand pounds. Since then I often wore clothes to hide my body so boys wouldn't touch me again but then I met him.

He was the moon and stars to me and he made me feel safe. I told him all my innermost secrets and he kept them from his family and friends but then came the time my cousin died and he used that to have sex with me, which I did willingly and now regretted. It hurt real bad because of my whole assaulted business. When I told him that it was a mistake to have sex he broke up with me and cheated on me because I told him I didn't want to have sex again. I cried over the loss of my innocence and my broken heart. I never told my parents I had sex because I didn't want to be judged by God or whatever almighty being was out there. Mom would kill me if I had sex because I made a pledge to not have sex until I was married.

Most called me "emo", "goth", "nerd," and the ever popular "bitch" because I remained cold and stoic to people like Saix on PMS. I more related myself to Saix because we both were cold and bitchy to people we didn't like. I had an anger problem like him too because I would lash out violently when I was mad. Since I had these irregularities in my mood, I took anti-depressant pills to keep myself happy. My first role model was Hermione Granger from Harry Potter but now it was Amy Lee from Evanescence. Sometimes I dressed in dark clothing to make a point that I hated my school. At home, I behaved like I used to when I was happy: cheerful, moody, yet bright at the same time. During my mood problems, I wanted to cut myself in the wrists but Cheryl, who was a former cutter herself, told me that she didn't want to see her happy best friend go down that road to disaster that involved institutions and shrinks.

Instead of cutting myself, I put myself in my schoolwork a lot because it was my way of coping. It was hard to live a normal life around others because they made me feel small and inferior even though I was five foot six. Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me" was the dumbest moron who ever existed because words hurt and they cut sharper than any blade. Like an idiot, I used to repeat that phrase to any bully who teased me but they shattered my heart by mocking me and teasing me more. The first time I got violent was in fifth grade when a girl called me bad names. When she was about to say it again, I slapped her across the face but I got in trouble for that.

I never drank or did drugs because I knew what it did to people even though I was sorely tempted. I couldn't break my mom's heart the way some kids did so I steered clear of that.

To get myself out of my thinking, I shook my head and stared at the boring white wall of the room. Whoever did the paint job in this castle was extremely bland and boring. What type of person just liked white for all the room colors? I could understand angels liking that color but the Organization were far from angels. According to my knowledge of Kingdom Hearts, they were close to the devil but I liked them for their personalities.

The sound of the door opening made me look at my right and I saw Saix and Xemnas walk in with curious looks on their faces. I nearly smirked because I knew many fans of KH thought of them as "XemSai" and I decided to be a bitch about it. I knew when to be respectful but I loved irritating people because it was my job.

"Who are you?" asked Xemnas as he eyed me suspiciously. "You don't look familiar."

"Maybe I'll tell you," I said cheekily, "and maybe I won't." I loved the nerve that bulged from his temples. I kept a score in my head:

Me-one point

Them-zero

Xemnas took a deep breath and said, "I am Xemnas, the leader here. What is your name, girl?"

I arched an eyebrow. "Why should I tell you?" I demanded in a dead-panned voice.

"Just tell me your name," he said through gritted teeth.

"Okay," I said coyly, "it's Shelby, nice to meet you, Xemmy." I loved grating on this guy's nerves. It was awesome!

"It's Xemnas," he growled dangerously, "but never mind that now. Can you use a weapon?"

"Depends," I said in a bored tone. "I can wield a baseball bat if need be."

"How about a Keyblade?" he asked, looking impatient.

"Nope," I said, shaking my head, "doesn't ring a bell."

"It's the weapon to all hearts," explained Xemnas as calmly as possible. "All the hearts the Heartless capture hearts and can be slain for Kingdom Hearts."

"If I wanted a weapon for all hearts," I said sarcastically, "I would use E-Harmony for tips."

A nerve bulged in Xemnas's temples again but it didn't faze me. It made me laugh. "Not like that, you insolent girl," hissed Saix, clenching his fists. "It's so we can gain back our own hearts, and don't give us lip."

"Sure I won't," I said rudely. "Xemnas will give it to you. I mean, you guys must fuck the other every so often."

Their eyes widened at the meaning of my words. "Excuse me?" snarled Saix, looking like he wanted to punch me. "I do not have sex with my superior."

"Don't have to explain to me," I snorted. "How do you like it? Doggy-style, or full-frontal?" My smirk widened at his shaking form.

"Saix, calm down," said Xemnas calmly. "Let's go, she can come to us when she's behaving nice." With that, they disappeared in their portals.

"Yeah, I'll come to you when hell freezes over!" I screamed as they disappeared. "You twat-faces!"

I sunk into a pouty state. Why did I have to deal with the people with the personalities of a wet mop? Life truly sucked when you were me.

_**A/N: Finished! I hope you liked it! Gave you a back story of my character! Read and review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Presentation

When I calmed down considerably, I stood and walked out of the white bedroom. Seriously, I would need a map because you could get lost here. I was navigationally troubled and being in a huge high school in the past never helped but the Castle That Never Was looked the same in every detail so I could be heading to an attic and I wouldn't know. A Dusk appeared and motioned to me in its strange way but I didn't get what it wanted. What did it want? I cocked my head and gave it a confused look that clearly asked "what are you trying to tell me?"

_"Follow me, my liege," _a voice said in my head. It was sounded so different, not like an ordinary person's voice. It sounded like a whisper from a ghost.

"Y-yes," I said softly, holding out my hand to it. As soon as it touched the Dusk, I was surrounded by darkness and got swallowed in it. There was intense pressure around my body and my head pounded with a headache like if I opened my eyes I would be sick. I felt a rush of creepy warm air and hands grabbed my ankles to pull me through the loophole.

What felt like minutes later I appeared in front of Xemnas and Saix who were talking about Kingdom Hearts and plans, which mostly sounded like crap to me. Their glowing gold eyes trailed over my appearance and I felt self-conscious because I didn't look my best and I needed to bathe. Xemnas stood from his desk, walked over to me, and circled me like I was fresh kill. I really didn't like the look in his eyes because he looked too cheerful to be himself. In return, I gave him a cold, moody glare that said I wasn't taking any crap from him but he smirked like that was the reaction he wanted.

"Perfect," he said in a slow, dull voice, sniffing the air around me, "her darkness is perfect."

Since he was smelling me, I lifted my arm and sniffed my armpit just to make sure my deodorant was working. What darkness? Did I have some bad aura in me that made me part of the darkness? Maybe I did because of the awful memories I had of my past life. So many horrible things I've done and so many things that happened to me. Since I closed my heart up to people, I probably engulfed myself in darkness, but how much darkness could one have before fading away into nothing?

"What do you mean, darkness?" I asked, finding my voice again. "I don't remember having any of that."

Xemnas smiled unpleasantly and said, "You see, Shelby, darkness is conceived within a bruised and battered heart and we all know how much pain you have gone through." His voice didn't sound sympathetic but merely amused. I wanted to slap him.

I couldn't speak because I was so shocked that he knew my past. How could he have known anything? I never told anyone about my childhood. I knew Xemnas was smart but I never knew he was that smart. Maybe he spied on me from the game. Maybe he used a ghost-version of himself to peer at me from the TV or something paranormal.

"What do you want of me?" I asked quietly, knowing he would use my past as blackmail.

He exchanged a smile with Saix before speaking with me again. "We want you to join our organization. Someone like you could be a valuable asset. If we looked into your darkness and heart, we'll see what use you could be to us."

It sounded like he wanted to do open-heart surgery which I would never consent to because the last thing I needed was to get infected from God-knows-what. I blinked stupidly like I didn't understand a word he said but my expression was probably one of disgust and shock. What have I gotten myself into? I knew I would regret making this decision but I had no choice, did I?

"I'll join you," I whispered, closing my eyes in shame. "On one condition, I will not fight with Sora. Take it or leave it."

Saix smiled at me and walked over to me, saying, "Oh, don't worry, we won't put you in combat unless we know how you respond to darkness."

My stomach felt nauseous but I just forced a smile and nodded. "Of course," I said acidly. "I'll be _delighted _to help you." Mentally I stuck my tongue out at him because I never liked Saix.

"Good," said Xemnas before speaking to Saix, "See, Saix, she can be reasonable when she wants to be."

My eye twitched because they were acting like I wasn't there. I honestly never wanted to slap anyone as much as I have wanted to Xemnas and Saix. What did I ever see in Xemnas? He was an annoying prick that got under my skin. I clenched my fists so I wouldn't feel the tingling sensation in my hands that I felt when I wanted to slap someone. If I slapped Xemnas, I would probably get fired before even starting or worse.

"I hate to interrupt," I said sarcastically, "but I stink and I need a shower."

"Why is that?" asked Saix, turning his attention towards me.

"Let's see," I said before adopting an exaggerated slow voice, "I need to wash the blood from my private area. Have you ever learned about the reproductive system?" I sounded like such a bitch but I enjoyed it.

Xemnas had a strange expression on his tanned face as he stared at me like I grew a second head. "All right," he said, nodding. "Go ahead and bathe. Besides, we want you to look nice for your introductions to the organization."

I just turned on my heel and walked into Xemnas's bathroom to use the shower. After turning the warm water on, I looked around cautiously before undressing and stepping into the shower. Finally, I pulled the shower curtain shut and got my hair soaked so I could wash it. Feeling the warm water on my body made me feel calm because my nerves were so wrought up. Ever since my mom and dad divorced, the stress I always felt went to my shoulders and required hot water or a deep tissue massage to get rid of them.

Pouring some sweet smelling shampoo in my hand, I ran the soap through my hair and massaged my scalp to rid my hair of impurities. The shampoo smelled really nice—something that Xemnas would probably use. It smelled like strawberries mixed with some unidentified perfume I couldn't recognize. After rinsing that out, I lapped my hair with some clear colored conditioner and washed it out quickly. Then, I used hand soap to scrub my breasts and armpits clean and shaved the little dark colored stubble from my underarms. I cringed internally as I used a washcloth to wash the blood from my crotch as clean as I could make it.

After I was done, I turned the water off and stepped out just as Xemnas stepped in. Instinctively, I covered myself and let out a scream. He looked at me indifferently like he always walked in on people naked but that didn't sit well with me. When I wrapped a towel around myself, I boldly slapped Xemnas across the face, not thinking that I could get in trouble for doing so.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I screamed. "Have you no shame!"

His expression didn't change as he spoke. "I was only wondering if you were done. You've been in here for ten minutes. I did knock; you probably didn't hear me."

I flushed angrily as I glared at him. "I'll just need another few minutes to get dressed and stuff, if you don't mind. Thanks for letting me use the shower." With that, I grabbed my clothes and padded through the hallways looking for my room.

…

After I got dressed, a knock on the door caused me to move and I opened it to see red headed Axel standing there with a smile on his face. He was a lot taller than I thought because he seemed to tower over me despite me being tall for my age. He was lean and slim of course like how he was always portrayed but he had this cocky smirk that could drive even the President crazy.

"Heya, Shelby," he said in a tone that resembled my old high school pastor's—carefree and happy. "You ready for the meeting?" He gave me a once-over and nodded. "Clean as a whistle. Now, let's go before boss man gets cranky." He grabbed me lightly by the wrist and led me down the endless hallways.

"So, Axel," I said to break the awkward silence, "how long have you worked for Xemnas?"

"Long enough," he sighed wearily. "Believe me, toots, if you worked here as long as I have, you'd get tired too."

I nodded, taking in his words. "So what's your take on Xemnas?" I asked. "He seems to be a real butt wad."

Axel chuckled before answering, "Well, he is a bit grumpy and mean but he is the leader of the organization so I guess I respect him a bit. He can get really harsh if you disrespect him so don't rub him the wrong way."

"I think I already did," I admitted sheepishly.  
"What d'ya mean?" Axel asked, peering at me from over his shoulder.

"I called him and Saix lovers and asked how often they fucked," I replied, thinking back to Saix's angry expression.

Axel let out a loud laugh and threw back his head as he laughed. "You got nerve, girly," he said between chuckles, "I'll tell you that. I'm sure Xemnas and Saix were appalled at that. On a serious note, I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, Saix kisses Xemnas's ass a lot and they'll probably announce their engagement any day now."

It was my turn to chuckle. Seriously, talking with Axel felt nice because it was like talking to Cheryl. They were crude, humorous, and nice. Well, Axel was kind of nice to every new member that joined the organization. Maybe I could feel safe around Axel.

"Well, here we are," said Axel as he led us to a big white door. "Prepare yourself for boredom because Xemnas loves to hear himself talk."

I gave him a small smile as we walked in and I looked around, gazing at all the other members that stared back at me. Anxiety filled my stomach as I noticed all of them staring at me like they were studying me. Jokes always eased a tense atmosphere so I decided to crack one.

"Hey, Xemnas," I said loudly to get his attention, "you look peaky; when's the last time you got laid?"

Some of the other members chuckled while others shook their heads disapprovingly. Xemnas's face filled with angry rage as he restrained himself from attacking me. He took some deep breaths and he finally spoke calmly.

"This is Shelby," he said coldly, "she's new in the organization. Her weapon is predetermined so we're going to start training right away."

The members nodded and they introduced themselves one by one. I already knew their names so I began day dreaming a bit just to tune them out. Luckily, before I got really bored, Xemnas finally announced the meeting was over so I walked out of the room with Axel. Axel was still chortling over the joke I cracked at Xemnas and we laughed and walked together all the way to the gray room. I found a new good friend and he was legit.

_**A/N: Thanks for reading and liking this for those who did! I hope you enjoy the next chapters upcoming! Please Read and review!**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Training Daze

I was sleeping peacefully in my bed when my bedroom door got banged open and I opened my eyes to see Saix with a clipboard in his hand. I so did not want to get out of bed but I knew Saix wouldn't let me sleep in so I sat up and gave him a glare. Luckily, I was wearing a black nightie so he couldn't see anything personal. The last thing I wanted was Saix to see me naked. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and stared at Saix to ask him what he wanted.

"Xemnas and I will begin training you in half an hour," he informed me, looking at the clipboard. "You might want to get ready or you'll have to train in your nightgown." His eyes were cold with no humor in them. Did this guy ever smile?

"Fine," I snapped crossly, folding my arms across my chest. "Anything else O Royal Pain wants me to know?" I set my jaw, glaring at him sternly.

"No," he said blandly, "I'll just take my leave and let you get dressed." With that, he turned on his heel and left the room the same way he came.

When I knew I was alone, I pulled my nightgown off, threw it on the floor, and dug out some clothes the organization provided for me. There were bras my size and some dark clothes for me to wear. I put my bra on and slid on a white tee shirt and black jeans to prepare myself. Grabbing a hairbrush, I let my ponytail down and ran the brush through it to smooth the tangles. After that, I slid my hair in another ponytail and brushed my teeth to get ready for training.

…

Xemnas, Saix, and Vexen met me in the training room and they looked at me curiously. Vexen approached me and began circling me like Xemnas did the day prior. He did odd things like running his fingers through my hair and measuring the length of my arms. After that, he wrote a few things down on his clipboard and spoke to Xemnas and Saix in hushed tones. I tried to listen in but they kept their voices too low for me to hear.

"Well," said Vexen, walking back over to me, "my dear, have you ever shot a bow and arrow?"

I quirked an eyebrow and said, "Well, I did in gym class but I failed so much at it. Why do you ask?"

"You see," said Vexen, reading off his clipboard, "your arms are perfect length for using a bow and arrow. I trust you know the basics."

I nodded. "Yeah," I answered, "I know how to string a bow but I'm not the most sharp shooter." I meant to joke but they didn't laugh. When these guys lost their hearts, did they lose their funny bones too?

"Well, I'm sure you can do fine," assured Vexen, patting my arm dismissively. "I'll be outside the training room to observe you." He walked towards the see-through door and went out to the little sitting room that was connected to the training room.

In Xemnas's hand, a black bow about twenty-five pounds appeared with dark arrows that looked like something the devil used. I hesitantly grabbed them from his hand and strung the bow. I took my shooting stance that I learned in PE and held my elbow high. Remembering back to that time in PE, I focused my eyes on the little target on the back wall of the room and I released the arrow…too soon. The arrow hit the wall but not the target. I looked back at Xemnas and sighed in defeat but he nodded at me to prompt me to continue.

…

About what felt like an eternity later, I slouched in my form and sweat ran down my forehead. I was tired enough to fall down but I kept myself up by sheer willpower. Xemnas and Saix came in and took the bow and arrows from my hands. I guess that meant training was over. It took a lot out of me and I felt like fainting. With a shaky walk, I walked out of the training room to talk to Vexen but he was reading his clipboard. I got his attention by clearing my throat.

"It's a good beginning, child," said Vexen, staring at me calmly, "but we still have a lot of work to do before we place you on the field."

I visibly sunk because I did give it all I got. What did they expect me to be, Super Girl? Seriously, I was fine with my fists and feet but using weapons was completely new to me, not counting a baseball bat. I wanted so badly to take a nap since I deserved it. My arms, back, and shoulders were aching because I used muscles I haven't used in a while. Vexen patted my head and resumed to speak to Xemnas and Saix in hushed tones. I saw them reply back in quiet responses but they nodded and looked at me every so often. Finally, Xemnas nodded and approached me.

"Every day," he said in his deep, slow tone, "we'll come back here to observe you as you train. Until we think you're ready, you won't be able to go on field missions."

I sighed and shook my head, saying, "Fine, do what you please." I held up my hands in resignation. "I'm going to my room. I hate you all." There was no conviction in my tone but I was too tired to amend what I said so instead I just walked out of the training area to go to my room and shower.

…

After showering and dressing, I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes to rest a little but the opening door made me open them. I saw Axel standing in the doorway with Roxas and they smiled at me. The two walked up to me and sat on my bed, questioning me on my training and what my weapon was.

"I shot a bow and arrow," I answered, sitting up on my bed, "and I did horribly but Senor Mansex says I need more practice before going on a real mission."

"We wish you the best of luck," Axel said with a kind smile. "Don't call him Mansex to his face, though. He wouldn't like that." But a smile was broad on his face.

"Oh, believe me, I won't," I said sassily, "much." I stuck my tongue out playfully, prompting Axel and Roxas to chuckle.

"Well," said Axel, "we'll leave you to rest. You're probably tired."

"Yeah," I replied, lying back down. "Well, see you two later."

The two stood, walked out of my room, and shut the door behind them, leaving me in peace. I slid under the white covers and closed my eyes once more. Since I was so tired, I managed to slip into slumber easily and drift off into sweet dreams I haven't had in a while.

_**A/N: Sorry for the late update! I was really busy with stuff! Read and review please! **_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Insomniac

Ever since I turned eleven years old, I had trouble sleeping or going to sleep if I woke up. I used to wander around the house and read to help me fall back asleep until I tried sleeping pills. My mom made me try every pill in the book but nothing helped so I'd just lay awake, praying to God that he could help me get to sleep. Now, I just opted not to sleep which gave me no satisfaction. I tossed and turned relentlessly at night but I'd manage to doze off a bit before waking up.

That night, I stood up from bed and threw a robe on to walk around without freezing my butt off. I walked down to the gray room and sat down on the couch, resting my head on the couch cushion. My eyes grew heavy with lack of sleep but I didn't fall asleep because I was alerted by the presence of another. I looked over and saw Xemnas standing in the corner of the room, wearing a black robe and a frown. His luminescent golden eyes were full of curiosity and suspicion as he walked over to stand in front of me.

"What are you doing up so late?" he asked, sitting down on the couch next to me. "Don't you know you have to rest so you can train?"

"Yes," I whispered, gazing at him wearily, "but I can't sleep. I have insomnia." My tone sounded different—I sounded a bit like Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter but that was only because I was so weary.

"I'm sorry to hear that," replied Xemnas quietly.

"Oh, it's okay," I answered quickly, "but it does bother me some times. It's hard to sleep at night and feel rested in the morning. I've tried every pill in the book but nothing works." I lowered my gaze a bit, feeling even wearier than before.

"Do you want me to sit here with you until you fall asleep?" asked Xemnas, sounding like a parent.

"Oh, no," I said quickly, noticing the dark rings around his eyes, "you should go back upstairs and sleep some more. You look as tired as I do."

Xemnas just shrugged and said, "I have nowhere else to be right now. Why is it that you can't sleep?"

I looked at his face, saying quietly, "When my mom and dad were arguing before the divorce, I could hear them at night and I'd lie awake listening to their insults. Soon, it just became ingrained in my system to not sleep so I guess you can figure out the rest…" I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Are you sleepy now?" he asked quietly.

"Mm-hm," I murmured, nodding my head slightly, letting myself drift off into the waves of slumber.

…

(Axel POV)

As I made my way back from the bathroom, I saw the familiar figure of the Superior and he was carrying someone. When I looked closer, I saw he was carrying Shelby and she was sleeping. He knew I was there, I reckon, but he didn't care because he didn't yell at me or anything. Quietly, I followed him into Shelby's room and watched him place her on her bed gently. He said something quiet because I couldn't hear what he said but I made out some of the words; it almost sounded like he said "goodnight, angel" but I couldn't be too sure.

As he turned to me, he said, "Axel, what are you doing up so late?" He now spoke to me with the severity he always spoke to us in the organization. "I thought you were in bed."

"I was," I answered quietly, "when I woke up to feel my bladder needing release so I went to the bathroom to take care of things. Why were you carrying Shelby to bed?"

Xemnas's face went expressionlessly smooth as he blinked slowly. "None of your concern, Number Eight," he said, "now go back to bed and don't bother Shelby." With that, he portaled out of her room and left me alone.

I quirked an eyebrow, as I wondered why he sounded so defensive, and headed back to my room anyway so I wouldn't get caught by him again. When I laid down in bed, I couldn't help but wonder if he had a crush on her but that was impossible since nobodies couldn't love, right?

…

(Normal POV)

As Xemnas laid down in bed, he thought back to the words he said when he placed the girl in her bed but dismissed it for a fatherly care for the girl. It would only be natural if he regarded her that way because she was younger than him and naturally needed attention like a child. But she wasn't a child, admitted Xemnas as he closed his eyes, not in the least bit. She may have acted like a child but she was a fully-matured woman with a curvy form. She had hormones and emotions just as much as the next human but one day she would pledge herself with someone.

That thought sent a bad image in Xemnas's head but he tried to ignore it: he saw Shelby standing in a beautiful wedding dress smiling up to a faceless stranger. His eyes snapped open as he turned on his bedside lamp and he went to do some paperwork regarding the missions the members had. He read the words but couldn't stop thinking about Shelby marrying someone else. Was it natural for a father not wanting his daughter to marry? Maybe the authority feelings he had for her weren't so accurate. Maybe he was falling in love with her, if that were possible.

"It's impossible," said Xemnas aloud, shaking his head. "I will not allow this to plague my mind any further. The next time she's out of bed, I will scold her like I would to the rest of the members. She's still a child and I will not grow attracted to her, even if it breaks her heart. I cannot allow myself to grow close to that girl." He clenched his fist as he gazed out the window that allowed him to view the ever-growing Kingdom Hearts, the sole light in the sky.

_I just need to get her out of my head,_ he thought resolutely as he reexamined the missions.

He did not want to fall for the girl and it was hard but he could not risk sacrificing everything he planned for Kingdom Hearts. No matter what-or who, Kingdom Hearts was more important than this insignificant feeling of love. He refused to fall in love because he was so stubborn to become one with Kingdom Hearts.

_**A/N: Short Chapter but we get a little turning point in their relationship! Before judging, this story will not be very long, chapter-wise, so I'm just previewing the growing hardship it will be for Xemnas not to want the girl. Please bear that in mind as you review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: The Loss of Two Friends

_**A/N: There's a timeskip of a few weeks to when Roxas and Xion leave the organization. So don't get confused if we go into that!**_

Something strange was happening. I could feel it in the air. Every time Roxas and Axel were in the same room, I could feel the tension increase and I always held my breath, waiting for them to fight but they never did. Anxiety once again crept into my stomach and squeezed like a fist whenever the two were in the same room. It felt like my parents were fighting all over again but from a different angle; instead of my parents it was two of my best male friends. At night, I'd bury my face in my pillow and sob for a while because I didn't want to lose Roxas and Xion. I learned to love them like younger siblings.

Soon, Xion was gone and the tension got worse. There were nights when Axel and I couldn't sleep so we'd sit in my room chatting about life and everything in between. I let Axel in on my darkest secrets that I kept hidden from others—the ones I only told Cheryl—and he told me his darkest secrets—ones that involved him and Saix. Turned out, when the two got into the organization they had a horrible fight which was why Saix had an X shaped scar running down the bridge of his nose. There was a lot of crying from my end when I told him my secrets but he comforted me like a real friend would.

I wasn't in love with Axel but he listened and that was what I valued in a friendship—someone who listened. Cheryl had guy friends and they were as close as me and Axel were, save for the crying. The two of us valued each other's company. I told him about my growing feelings for Xemnas and he nodded and understood me.

…

One fateful day, I ran into Roxas and he looked angry. I knew what this meant; he would leave the organization behind to figure out who he was. Instead of showing my hidden anxieties, I smiled at him gently and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes and pouted his lower lip.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" I asked in a hushed tone.

He nodded resolutely. "I'm not a tool, Shelby," he said fiercely, "and I'm not gonna stick around while Xion's missing." There was pain in those blue eyes.

"You love her, don't you?" I whispered with a ghost of a smile on my face. "You do. You love her."

He nodded again with the determination of a young person in love. "Please, Shelby," he begged, "I have to go."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I sniffled as I drew him to my heart and hugged him tightly. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized I was going to lose Roxas forever. My best guy friend was going to be taken by DiZ and Riku and I would never see him again. I was a cry baby, I was woman enough to admit it, but I couldn't bear the idea of losing my friends. Why was I so helpless? So what if I could shoot a bow and arrow; it didn't help my friends when they needed it.

"I love you, Roxas," I said gently, stroking his blond spikes. "Please don't leave. I don't want to lose you too. You're not the only one who lost Xion." The tears that fell from my eyes landed on Roxas's cheeks as he stared up at me.

"I have to leave," said Roxas firmly. "Xion is out there somewhere and I have to help her." He tugged himself loose from my hug and walked away from me.

"You know," he said finally with his back turned, "I always thought of you like my sister. I love you too if nobodies can love. Good bye, Shelby. Take care of yourself." With that he summoned a portal and disappeared through.

I fell to my knees, hands over my aching chest, and began weeping until my throat hurt. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't I do anything? It hurt so much to see my friend walk away. I did say I loved Roxas but not in that way. In a short time, he grew close to my heart and became like the younger brother I never had so when he left it felt like I lost another family member. My eyes burned and my throat ached when I stood up. I was done crying; there would never be enough tears that could be shed over this.

Wiping my eyes, I ran into the gray room to talk to Axel but he was gone. My heart sank to my feet as I realized he probably left to confront Roxas one more time. I wished I could go down there to help but I knew this was Axel and Roxas needed to confront the other. The lines from the game ran through my head:

_"Your mind's made up…"_

_ "Why did the Keyblade choose me? I have to know."_

_ "You can't turn on the organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" _

_ "No one will miss me!" _

_ "That's not true. I would…" _

A clap on my shoulder woke me from my thoughts and I saw Demyx standing there with a smile on his face. The smile wasn't that goofy one I was so familiar with but a gentle, kind one. My respect for Demyx grew that day.

"Hey, don't worry about Axel and Roxas, Shelb," he said gently. "I'm sure everything will be just fine."

_No it won't,_ I thought but I forced a smile and said, "Of course, Demyx. It'll be just fine." I nodded at him and walked away so I could cry without the scrutiny of the other members and wonder why God hated me so much.

…

I sat on my bed, weeping into my hands helplessly. I hated crying because it made me look weak and it didn't feel right in my heart. The choking lump in my throat felt like I was getting strangled. When the tears were relentless, I hated feeling my eyes burn and ache because of it. To some, it was right to cry because it eased the sorrow in one's heart but in the organization crying was wrong because we weren't supposed to cry when we didn't have hearts. But I did and I could cry if I wanted to.

Feeling totally worn out, I laid back on my bed and fell asleep with my clothes on. It felt just like it did when I lost my cousin but this time I didn't have my mom to comfort me. There was another feeling I hadn't felt since I was a young girl; I missed my mom. I wanted her to comfort me because she was the only one who understood what I went through but I guessed that was what most girls felt with their mothers when their hearts were shattered.

Instead of falling asleep normally, I cried myself to sleep—like I had done so many times prior.

…

I woke up early so I could ask Demyx to take me to Twilight Town without Saix or Xemnas knowing. Dressed in dark jeans and a dark blue tee-shirt, I ran down the many stairs to get to the gray room and as expected I found Demyx sitting on the couch strumming his sitar idly. He looked surprised when I approached him and I didn't blame him because I probably looked crazy right about now.

"Quick, Demyx," I said quickly, "make a corridor so I can go to Twilight Town."

"Wha—why?" he asked, looking a little frightened of my attitude.

I stepped forward, grabbed him by the lapels, and screamed, "Don't ask! Just do it!" I didn't realize I was quoting Axel from Kingdom Hearts II until I released him.

"Okay, okay," he said, summoning a dark corridor.

"Thank you!" I yelled excitedly, kissing him on the cheek before running through. "I'll be back later!" With that, I disappeared into portal that intended to go to Twilight Town.

…

When I arrived, I found Roxas cradling Xion's dying form and dread poked at my heart. _Oh, God, I'm too late._ I ran up to them, crouched down on my knees, and took Xion's other hand, squeezing tightly as if to give her life from my tight hold. I didn't want her to leave me with a bunch of men. There was no other girl I could talk to about my feelings in the organization. It wasn't fair. Why did this have to happen?

"Xion, don't fade!" I cried, holding her hand to my cheek as if it was treasure. "I don't wanna be left alone with men! You're my friend!"

Her weak blue eyes gazed at me thoroughly and her smile was small as she spoke to me. "Shelby…" she breathed hollowly, "You won't be alone. You…have someone…who treasures…you…" She broke off to breathe deeply before continuing, "H-he loves you…He told me so himself…"

Finally, she locked eyes with Roxas and breathed, "Good-bye, Roxas…see you again. I'm glad I got to meet you…oh, and Shelby and Axel too. The three of you are my best friends. Never forget…that's the truth." She tenderly placed a hand on his cheek and his eyes widened as if realizing what was happening.

"No," he cried, grabbing the hand that fell from his cheek, "Xion, who else will I have ice cream with?" Despite that corniness of that statement, I could hear the pain in Roxas's tone.

Xion looked relaxed as she finally faded into light like a crystal. There was no trace left of her except one lone pink shell that Roxas picked up and held gently. Tears ran down my eyes and whimpers escaped my throat relentlessly. Through blurred eyes, I saw a tear roll down Roxas's face as he murmured Xion's name one last time.

We sat there for a while crying until Roxas stood up, summoned a portal, and ran through it. I couldn't stop him because I was too emotionally and mentally exhausted so I stood up and walked blindly in the sunset town. Pressing a hand to my temples to prevent more tears, I went up to the clock tower and sat so I could remember the old times between me, Roxas, Xion, and Axel. Finally, I thought back to her dying words.

What did she mean by I still had someone who cherished me? Who was it? Axel, Demyx, or, God forbid, Xemnas? Right now, I didn't care. All I cared about was Xion and Roxas and I was going to lose them.

_**A/N: No, I didn't cry while writing this chapter but I was damn close to! I hope you guys like this chapter! I'll send every reviewer a tissue for tears! So read and review!**_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Leaving It Behind

Axel was going to leave. I just knew it. I knew how the game went: First was Xion, next was Roxas, and last was Axel. I'd be left alone without my friends and family, surrounded by people who disliked me. It felt so familiar because I had been in that state when I was in fourth and fifth grade but now it felt so sharp and painful because my heart had been in too much pain already. There were some words I had heard once: "A heart can be broken but it still beats just the same." Right now, those words felt so true. Broken hearts still beat even if they were broken.

I found solace in talking to Axel some more but he still looked so melancholy and distraught that I couldn't help but hurt for him. I wished that I could have changed Roxas's and Xion's fates but if I did Sora would never wake up. Sora…the mere thought of him made my blood boil. I liked Sora when I played the game but now I felt enmity for him. He got to live while Xion and Roxas faded into obscurity and he didn't have a care in the world. I wanted to slap across the face because of what he had caused but that didn't mean I hated Donald and Goofy; I had loved them since I was a child. They provided laughter in my childhood so I couldn't hate them. Mickey was another I couldn't hate because I have cherished him since I was a baby. Despite my dark past, I was a Disney girl through and through.

To my own surprise, I sat with Xemnas but we didn't speak or anything which made it quite awkward. I knew some times Xemnas would be naturally quiet but this was too much for me. The Xemnas I knew loved to make long-winded speeches and make irritating gestures but not now. Now, he just sat there quietly, thinking about something. Maybe he only made long-winded speeches and gestures when he was around his organization or in front of his enemies. Why wasn't he talking to me?

"Hey, Xemnas," I finally said, getting his attention, "I'm sorry." I apologized for the most dumbest things.

"For what?" he asked, gazing at some paperwork that strewed his desk.

Tears burned in my eyes as I continued, "I'm sorry for not stopping Roxas from leaving the organization." I didn't mention Xion because I knew that no one would remember her except me since I wasn't originally in the game.

"Don't apologize," he said, patting my shoulder gingerly. "Even though he is gone, we still have a better prospect—Sora. He wields the Keyblade like how Roxas does and he will claim hearts for our almighty Kingdom Hearts. What's that face for?" He pointed to my expression that was full of anger, hate, and pain.

"Sora," I hissed through clenched teeth. "That jerk doesn't deserve to walk around while Roxas doesn't. At least Roxas made his life count. All Sora does is walk around like he is Jesus or something." The rage in my words surprised even me because I never spoke so venomously against someone.

Xemnas didn't speak but he did look amused and that only added fuel to my fire.

"What are you smirking at?" I demanded angrily, wanting so badly to punch him.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but seeing get so mad is funny. You're a dangerous little one, aren't you?" Now, he was teasing me but I didn't care.

"Yeah, whatever," I grumbled, drawing my knees up so I could rest my chin on them.

Xemnas chuckled quietly as he continued to write his paperwork but I was still curious about what Xion meant when she said I still had someone who cherished me. Who cherished me? I wanted to know but right now I was too preoccupied in saving my remaining friend.

…

Axel and I sat together on the clock tower, watching the sunset, but we didn't say anything. We were moping in our loss but we still ate ice cream while we sat together like always. The sun didn't look so bright but maybe it was because Roxas wasn't there with us. I rested my head on Axel's shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt Axel rub my shoulder gently as we just sat there gloomily together. I was glad to have a faithful friend like Axel because he was one of the best ones.

"I miss Roxas…" I whispered tearfully, "yep, yep, yep…" A few tears dripped from my eyes and landed on my knees.

I felt Axel stiffen a bit and dread gathered in my chest again. "What's wrong, Axel?" I asked, turning to look at him in the eyes.

He took both of my hands in his, sighed deeply, and said, "Shelby, I'm leaving the organization. There's nothing left there for me anymore." Each word felt like a stab to the heart.

"What about me?" I said in a strained tone. "Axel, you're the only one I have left. Please don't leave me. Xemnas would kill you if he found out." I grabbed his sleeve in both my hands and closed my eyes tightly.

Axel's gentle green eyes were full of pity for me and he said tenderly, "You're a tough girl, Shelby. That's what I like about you. Our lives were intertwined but never destined." With that, he pressed a gentle, chaste kiss to my lips and then he disappeared in a portal, leaving me alone.

The feel of the kiss was still on my lips but I knew we weren't meant to be in that way. Our relationship was never meant to go further than our friendship but since this would be the last time I would see Axel I didn't care. His care and friendship helped me open up a bit and the little butterfly poked its head out of its cocoon. Tears rolled down my face as I realized I would never see him again. I would value his friendship no matter what.

…

Since I learned to harness my darkness, I managed to summon a portal and go back to the castle. I didn't want to see anyone because I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted. I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed quietly and pitifully, wishing that I had my friend Axel back.

_**A/N: No, Axel and Shelby aren't getting together but they value each other's friendship a lot! Please read and review!**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Love Comes Softly

A/N: Ok, I need to pour out some thanks!

Zaikia-Girl, you gave me some tips and inspired me to make a better story! Thank you!

SaixPuppy7-Thanks for liking this story and I hope you'll enjoy the rest!

MechaCritick-Thanks for giving me advice about my story! I appreciate it!

Kexlaey-Sorry for deleting the other story but I had to start a new slate! Just to avoid the Mary Sue critics *shudders*. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story :D.

Thanks to all who liked or story alerted this!

I laid in bed, thinking about Axel, Roxas, and Xion, wondering if their fates could have been different had I intervened. My attempts were fruitless because they just brushed me aside and continued to their ill fates. I didn't sleep well last night because I kept having nightmares of myself yelling out to my three friends to run but they didn't hear me like I was invisible. I'd wake up and not go back to sleep so I'd just stare up at the ceiling blankly, just wanting to wake up from the nightmare I launched myself into. Being the organization made me realize that I wanted to be home surrounded my friends and family.

Maybe I could go to Xemnas and tell him I wanted to go home. Maybe he'd take me home and just leave me alone so I could live a normal life with normal friends and family. I could be home, make new friends, and possibly fall in love even though my feminine charms were low. For the past few hours, I wore the floor out from walking around anxiously. How could I sleep knowing I'd never see my friends again?

Finally I could bear no more. I threw my robe on and headed out into the hall to confront Xemnas and order him to take me home even if I had to pin him down and demand him. It was strictly against the organization rules to intrude on superior when he was sleeping or otherwise busy unless there was an emergency. No one knew where Xemnas's room really was but one time I followed him there so I could retrieve my bow and arrow to train some more and discovered where his room was: it was the closest one to Kingdom Hearts.

I crept down the hall, feeling my way because it was so dark, until I made my way to the door of Xemnas's room. Quietly, I opened the door to talk to him because he didn't sleep much at night but to my surprise he was sleeping in his king-sized bed and didn't even notice my appearance. Feeling abashed, I tiptoed to leave but froze when I heard his voice.

"I know you're here, Shelby," he said quietly, sounding more sleep-muddled than severe. "What's troubling you?" He sat up and looked at me curiously.

Anxiety crept into my chest as I walked over to his bed side and sat down, ignoring the fluttering in my chest. Stupid heart! Go away for a few minutes! I tightened my jaw as my face burned bright red at the sight of Xemnas bare-chested. He had enough muscles to make any girl flush. I closed my eyes tightly so I could remember what I wanted to tell him. Why did I have to have hormones? I was sure he could hear my heart going wild.

"Xemnas, sir," I said quietly, looking down to my hands, "I wish to go home now. I…miss my mom." Wow, that sounded so stupid but it was half true.

"Is that so?" asked Xemnas, prompting me to look up at him. His golden eyes looked troubled…unlike ever before like he was holding something back. "You can't go home." He sounded blank and expressionless like wouldn't care about how I felt.

"But why?" I demanded, jumping off the bed to glare at him with tear filled eyes. "You're not being fair! I don't want to be here anymore!" My throat felt like it would break but I didn't care because I had to be heard if I wanted to get what I wanted.

"You can't!" he bellowed, gripping my wrists tightly enough for them to break. "I won't let you go home!"

That knocked me for a loop because why would Xemnas sound so desperate? "What are you talking about?" I asked, blinking at him in astonishment.

Xemnas's lips twitched as if he was going crazy. "I love you, Shelby!" he shouted, bending to get close to my face. "I don't want you to go!"

"But, Xemnas, I wanna go home!" I cried, feeling tears creep run down my face. "You don't love me! Nobodies can't feel, remember! You said so yourself!"

"That was until I fell in love!" he shouted, glaring at me intensely. "I love you, Shelby! Do you need me to repeat it?"

I didn't like that he was yelling at me. It scared me. "Stop yelling at me!" I cried, cringing a bit.

He sighed deeply, calming himself considerably, and he finally said, "I'm sorry, Shelby. I just don't want to lose you."

"I thought you hated me," I whispered gently. "You kept avoiding me."

Xemnas sighed again with his expression gentle. "I only avoided you because I didn't want to act on my feelings for you. I didn't want to scare you by coming onto you." A smile finally graced Xemnas's handsome features and it wasn't one full of malice or evil.

"I…"I started but he interrupted me with a tender kiss. His lips were gentle yet insistent against mine but I didn't mind.

Suddenly, I was in his arms as he held me against his body, tight and protective, and our lips were melding against each other's. A gentle hand, one that was roughened up from experiments and Keyblade wielding, brushed against the sensitive skin of my cheek and I felt a dark shiver go down my spine. Hesitantly I touched his toned chest as if testing just in case he didn't fade away like a dream and when he let out an appreciative sigh I let my curious fingers trail down to his abs and I felt there. To feel his dusky skin on my fingertips made me feel a rush of adrenaline. His lips grew more insistent and he pushed me back down on the bed.

At first I didn't mind because my feelings were too great but then I had an image of my ex and I doing it for the first time and another terrifying image of myself being touched inappropriately so I froze under Xemnas's kisses. It felt like my body got glued together because my arms were tightly compacted to my sides and my legs were pressed together and Xemnas seemed to notice because he stopped kissing me. When I opened my eyes, I saw him hovering over me with concern etched into his face and a sinking sensation in my stomach.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, stroking my hair. "You froze up when I tried to kiss you."

I hesitated before telling him quietly, "I'm not a virgin, Xemnas. A few months ago, I was together with a boy from my school and we went pretty strong until my cousin died in a snowboarding accident. I had sex with him to dull the pain but it didn't happen so we broke up when I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore and he started going out with Ashley and began ignoring me. I didn't tell anyone except my best friend. If I told my mom, she'd kill me."

When Xemnas didn't speak, I looked up at him to see if he was disgusted in me but he wasn't. There was a gentle look on his face that pitied my horrible past relationship but I didn't know if he was going to speak harshly to me or not. I averted my gaze from him but he gave me a gentle hug that made me feel warm all the way to my toes. I felt a feeling I hadn't felt in a while; I felt loved and warm. His tender embrace gave me that feeling and I knew I was safe with him.

"Next time you feel pain," whispered Xemnas in my ear, "just tell me so I can help you."

All this emotional excitement made me weary and my eyelids felt heavy so I began closing my eyes. Xemnas seemed to notice so he let me rest on his large, cozy bed and laid down next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kept me warm as I fell asleep against him, feeling more loved than I had ever felt. Life was great…for now.

_**A/N: I hope you like this chapter! Finally some romance! Review for more chapters! Love ya'll~**_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Loss of More Members and Goodbye

I sat in the round room, listening to the members convene about Axel leaving the organization, and wished I could rip my ears off. They made it seem like Axel was a traitor but he wasn't! Axel was dedicated to saving his friend Roxas from being harmed by the organization and I knew that. Every time the two were together, I could see Axel's protective, big brother attitude but he never acted like that towards anyone else in the organization. Even though I loved Xemnas, I felt like Axel was part of my family and I loved him. Family would want to jump in whenever someone they loved was in a pinch, right?

"So he betrayed us," said Saix coldly, causing the anger I've held back for a while to boil to the surface. "If Axel has betrayed us, then he is no further use for us. We must eliminate him."

When I got mad, I had no filter to my mouth. "No," I cried, wringing my hands together, "you can't do this!"

Xaldin spoke over me. "Axel is a traitor, girl," he said as coldly as Saix. "Traitors must be eliminated, that is the rules." A lance appeared next to him as he spoke to me. Was he going to throw it at me?

I clenched my fist to keep the tears from springing up into my eyes. "Don't you dare hurt Axel! He's just doing what he thinks is right! Protecting his friend! If you all had half a brain you'd do the same thing!" Wow, that was cold but again my mouth had no filter.

Xaldin bared his teeth at me as he growled, "You little chit!" The lance next to him aimed itself at me but Xemnas raised a hand to calm the organization.

Xaldin looked up and the lance disappeared in response. He then sank into a very angry state but still kept a steady, cool glare on me. I ignored him and looked up to Xemnas hopefully. Although Xemnas and I agreed to keep our relationship quiet, sometimes we exposed a bit of our secret by our loving glances towards each other. I was surprised Saix hadn't found out because he was one of the most shrewdest members but if he did he would disapprove of it.

"So what about the hero?" asked Xigbar, changing the subject effectively. "He's now moving forward."

I kind of blocked out the conversation with all the thoughts that flew through my head. Where was Axel? Was he okay? What would become of him? What about me and Xemnas? What would become of us? Would we live through this together? All the thinking made me feel sick so I closed my eyes and just sank into a daydreaming state.

…

Soon after, I found out Xaldin and Demyx were dead because their stones turned red. I did cry but mostly for Demyx because he was so sweet and innocent. After a while, I sat with Xemnas in his room and rested my weary head on his broad shoulder just letting the tears flow. I felt like I could be myself with Xemnas because he made me feel safe. Just being in his embrace made it feel like nothing was wrong and everything was okay. I closed my eyes and let myself rest next to him.

"Shelby," said Xemnas softly, causing my eyes to open, "I'm going to send you home before I fight Sora. I don't want you to see the fight."

I felt dread stab at my stomach as I looked up at him sadly. "I don't want you to die," I cried, feeling like I was on the verge of tears. "Please…" My voice became a whisper as I stared up at him in a begging fashion.

His eyes were gentle as a smile spread on his face. "Shelby," he said, wiping the tear from my cheek, "I won't die. I promise I won't." His expression was so earnest that I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

_Yes you will, _I thought as I stared at him quietly, _and I'll never see you again…_I buried my face in Xemnas's chest and began to weep openly. This was a moment I would hold in my heart forever.

…

Just as Xigbar and Saix faded, I realized that it was time to leave. Xemnas would send me away so I wouldn't see him die and that felt okay to me because I would probably die alongside him if I saw him die. I didn't think I could bear to lose Xemnas because I loved him so much but I never thought in a million years that I would fall in love with him. I was glad I did, though, because I felt like I could open my heart and smile a little more now.

Xemnas took me up to the Alter of Naught and held my hands tightly in his, turning to face me. His expression was full of pain and need as he bent to kiss my lips for the last time. I clung to him and let our lips move passionately as we stayed in a closely warm embrace. For the first time, I let his tongue in my mouth because I knew this would the last time we'd ever see each other. Finally, we stepped apart and hugged each other one last time.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear, "always have, always will." His words were so tender and gentle that I held onto them in my heart so I could remember them on my bad days.

"I love you too," I whispered, tears running down my face. "Never forget that, my love." There was pain in my chest that felt unreal like my heart was breaking but hearts would still beat the same.

"I'll never forget," he whispered, running a gentle hand through my hair. "I'll come back for you. I promise." His golden eyes were so tender and convincing that for a second I believed he would but I knew he wouldn't because he was going to die when he fought Sora.

"Goodbye, my love," he said gently as he angled my body towards a dark corridor that he summoned. "I'll see you soon."

Before I could speak, I felt myself being pushed through and I knew that was it. I would never see him again but it was safe to cry because no one was there to see me break down. I would be okay soon; I knew I would but my love for him was true. Many kids my age wouldn't know love but I found it in such a small place and in unexpected ways. Maybe it was God's way of healing me because I knew the lord never closed one door without opening another.

…

Days later, I laid on my bed, holding Xemnas's black coat tightly so I could smell him again, but I was on the phone with my friend Cheryl. When I told her about what in the organization, she believed me but still asked questions about the members in general. After answering a question about Demyx, I heard her ask about Xemnas's coat.

"So Shelby, where did you get that coat?" she asked in a serious tone.

I began thinking it through because I didn't tell her about the relationship between me and Xemnas. "Well, it's a long story…" I said, starting at the beginning.

~Fin~ (for now)

_**A/N: I finally reached the end of the story! I hope you enjoyed because I have sequel formulating! Thanks for those who stuck with me till the end and I hope you'll be around for the sequel! Well, read and review!**_


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